Tao Te What Now? (Chapter 25)
A slightly unhinged walkthrough of the Tao Te Ching
So you’ve decided to read the Tao Te Ching.
Either you’re seeking peace, chasing enlightenment, trying to out-vibe your therapist, or you just like obscure philosophy that makes you feel smart and dumb at the same time.
Good news: you’re in the right place.
Bad news: it won’t help you get your life together in the way you think it will.
Better news: it might show you that you never had to in the first place.
This ancient Chinese text, written by Laozi around 2,500 years ago, is basically a poetic mic drop about the nature of reality, control, ego, and why trying hard often makes things worse. It’s short, mysterious, non-linear, and aggressively subtle. You won’t get it all on the first read. That’s part of the charm. It’s also part of the test. Which you are not supposed to try to pass.
About This “Cursed” Interpretation
We’re going to go through each chapter, one by one.
Instead of solemn chanting or incense or “sitting with it in silence,”
We’re going to translate it for actual humans with internet-fried brains, executive dysfunction, and a fondness for sarcasm.
Disclaimers:
We love the Tao. We also enjoy poking fun at ourselves while getting deep. That’s the spirit this was written in.
If you're looking for academic accuracy or lineage-specific devotion… this isn’t that.
If you're spiritually curious, allergic to self-serious gurus, and suspicious of people who wear too much linen—welcome home.
Chapter 25
That which moves all things, yet is moved by none.
There’s something that came before everything,
before names, before time, before your to-do list.
It’s quiet. Still.
Unmoving. Unbothered. Unbingeable.
You can’t improve it. You can’t cancel it.
It’s just… there. Always has been. Always will be.
It’s the root of everything.
Not a thing. Not your thing.
Just the thing.
The best name we’ve got for it is the Way.
And even that name is a placeholder, like calling enlightenment “Steve” because you ran out of words.
Here’s the deal with the Way:
It doesn’t stop.
It reaches everywhere.
It is balanced.
Like a mighty ocean,
Visible at the smallest and most cosmic scales.It is not the tide,
But the cause of the tide.
The stillness that lives at the center of motion.It is not the star,
But what is there before and after.It is not the earth and the moon,
But the quiet center the two dance around.
So yeah, the Way is big.
the Universe is big.
Earth is big.
The King, aka the Establishment, aka the proverbial “The Man” is big.
Those are the Four Biggies of existence.
And they go like this:
People are led by the Establishment,
who follow the Earth (day/night/weather/tides),
who follows the Universe.
…which follows the Way.
The Way follows… absolutely nothing.
It just is.
Not because it tried hard.
Not because it earned it.
Because that’s what being real is like.
If you’re trying to figure out what to do next with your life?
Start by not trying so hard.
You can’t change the tide by paddling. Just flow.
